Scotlands Glitterati

[Bex Bissell]

A mate and myself were having a few beers and ended up having a laugh over a section in the Sunday Mail called Alisons Diary, it is a serialisation of the life of a society person and is so inane that it makes you wonder if they realise that other than wiping excrement of the bottom of your shoe it has no other relevance to it’s being.

We managed to conjure a few names up which we imagine would like to think of themselves as right Charlie Potatoes and we did unearth a list of apparent top scots.
Here is an exert from the diary, watch out for some big name dropping, if you still have the will to live past the 1st paragraph.

btw, she brought a book out, with 365 enteries like this


MONDAY
Off up north with mum for a couple of days. She is in need of a break, having just built a house, moved into it and done her neck in. We head to Gleneagles who do us a winter deal deluxe, so we are in a state of high excitement.
The guy who greets us is called Louis - my son's name. He says: "Hello, I know your face. You write that column in the Sunday Mail, don't you?" "Yes," I say, wondering if I am going to get a lecture about my bad behaviour. "My son Louis reads it, too!" he says . "My son is called Louis, your son is called Louis and you're called Louis!" I exclaim, asking if he has any other children. He has another son so I ask if he's called Louis, too? He says: "Naw, I couldn't have them both called..." then he realises I am pulling his leg. Great fun

YAWN! Smashing, thanks for that!?




Now, here is the best bit, below is a link to the crème de la crème of Scottish movers and shakers who according to a daily newspaper are the most influential people in Scotland.
God help us all!!



7 MICHELLE DUNCAN
NEW ENTRY She got her break in television playing a Scottish receptionist in EastEnders. “Yip, that’s right, you know her, played the stereotypical drunk and agressive scottish receptionist in Dr Leggs Surgery” SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE her acting credits include Doctor Who, Sugar Rush and Sea Of Souls. Michelle, 27, also impressed as Lady Diana Spencer, above, in Whatever Love Means (I cant honestly say I can place her name or face)



1 JULYAN SINCLAIR LAST YEAR (49) Orkney boy Julyan, 30, has become a favourite on telly and radio.(well that’s debatable) The Bafta winner's (what did he win a bafta for?) career has moved in different directions (most notably downwards) since he returned from broadcasting in Australia and the US. HE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE as a co-host on Scotsport (woooaaaapphhh) and a regular contributor to radio, we'll hear a lot from him in 2006 (Oh No!, not to mention that you canny understand a bloody word he says)

For the full listing of over rated underachievers click here, you'll be surprised by the amount of folk you've never heard of… http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/entertainm ... _page.html

[Sir Roger DeLodgerley]

What a load of old wank.

No surprise to see KT Tunstall at number 1 in a chart of talentless, ugly gobshites. I'm assuming they'e ugly because, as you so rightly point out Bex, I've never heard of the vast majority. Although, if it's a list of talentless and ugly people I'd put money on that boiler out of Texas being on it.

[Bex Bissell]

Oh yes, she's in there alright it, it's a right load of old toss but funny non the less.

btw. we really must thank the "razzle girls" @ the D.record for the list, if you can muster the energy to wade through the list of hapless self publicists then you'll notice that there are quite a few PR people metioned along with designer shops owners?? what is their exact contribution to the world.

In fact we could run a competion to see who can find the person who could win the "Life Time Of Non Achievement Award"
So come now everyone have a look on the list and nominate who you think has their head stuck up their posterior.

[Sir Roger DeLodgerley]

I nominate:

SUZIE McGUIRE LAST YEAR (23) Clyde 1 presenter Suzie has all the chat to perk us up at lunchtime. She brightened up Scotland's daytime radio with her cheeky conversation and sparkling wit SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE now a mum to baby Millie Rowan, she manages to juggle her family life with a hectic career

because if all it takes to get on a hot 100 hundred list is to have a child and a job at the same time, half of the women in the country ought to be on there.

[james73]

I nominate:

SUZIE McGUIRE LAST YEAR (23) Clyde 1 presenter Suzie has all the chat to perk us up at lunchtime. She brightened up Scotland's daytime radio with her cheeky conversation and sparkling wit SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE now a mum to baby Millie Rowan, she manages to juggle her family life with a hectic career

because if all it takes to get on a hot 100 hundred list is to have a child and a job at the same time, half of the women in the country ought to be on there.

It's not - it's to have a child, a job and have a face like a skelped arse at the
same time.

Then again...



James H

[JayKay]

there are some real gems on that list

22 MICHELLE WATT

NEW ENTRY Boxing legend Jim Watt's daughter is proving a real knockout on the box. At 27, she scooped best newcomer award at cable shopping channel Price-Drop TV after learning the ropes in just six months.

Took her a whole six months

43 GAIL PORTER LAST YEAR (42) Gail is still smiling after a very tough time. The 32-year-old's marriage fell apart and she battled post natal depression with stress triggering alopecia SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE Gail has proved to be an inspiration to thousands of Scots. Now she is reviving her career with a new show interviewing dead celebrities

[onyirtodd]

I nominate:

SUZIE McGUIRE LAST YEAR (23) Clyde 1 presenter Suzie has all the chat to perk us up at lunchtime. She brightened up Scotland's daytime radio with her cheeky conversation and sparkling wit SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE now a mum to baby Millie Rowan, she manages to juggle her family life with a hectic career

because if all it takes to get on a hot 100 hundred list is to have a child and a job at the same time, half of the women in the country ought to be on there.

The problem is that the half of the women in Scotland who meet that critera aren't the kind of women Daily Rectum readers like to toss themsleves off to mental (there's an appropriate word for DR readers) images of.

[Bex Bissell]

Commendable Sir, a very worthy nominee indeed, she must be the archetypal model professional that every woman yearns to be

But what about this

36 MARY McGOWNE LAST YEAR (32) Mary, 32, left her high-powered position at Cruise fashion store in Scotland to run her own PR agency.

SHE IS SIZZLING BECAUSE after organising the Scottish Style Awards, Mary is certain to be at the helm of many more star-studded events in 2006

She's a shop assistant

[Bex Bissell]

there are some real gems on that list





43 GAIL PORTER LAST YEAR (42) Gail is still smiling after a very tough time. The 32-year-old's marriage fell apart and she battled post natal depression with stress triggering alopecia SHE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE Gail has proved to be an inspiration to thousands of Scots. Now she is reviving her career with a new show interviewing dead celebrities

JK I hereby announce you as the winner, cant top that surely.

[Ally Doll]

Commendable Sir, a very worthy nominee indeed, she must be the archetypal model professional that every woman yearns to be

But what about this

36 MARY McGOWNE LAST YEAR (32) Mary, 32, left her high-powered position at Cruise fashion store in Scotland to run her own PR agency.

SHE IS SIZZLING BECAUSE after organising the Scottish Style Awards, Mary is certain to be at the helm of many more star-studded events in 2006

She's a shop assistant

What's wrong with being a shop assistant?!

Oh, wait, I see. She can't be a shop assistant and gliterati. Got ya.

[Bex Bissell]

Yep Ally, no offence intended to shop workers of the world it's the whole, IT thing that the list is hinting at. that makes it.

Anyhoo, for gender balance we want to see some male nonentitys up there, come now theres plenty to choose from.

[Ally Doll]

Yep Ally, no offence intended to shop workers of the world it's the whole, IT thing that the list is hinting at. that makes it.

Anyhoo, for gender balance we want to see some male nonentitys up there, come now theres plenty to choose from.

Ach, no bother

[Sir Roger DeLodgerley]

Out of sense of balance;

OLI NORMAN LAST YEAR (43) Young Glasgow entrepreneur Oli, 27, launched his PR company Dada two and a half years ago.


HE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE Oli has a huge database of customers who want to be informed about all the latest events. He is now looking at creating branches in London and Sydney

If we look at that in more detail we can see that he's sizzling not because he's succesful or high profile or very rich, but because he's got a lot of customers. So has the Co-op. (back to shop assistants Ally)

[Bex Bissell]

From the sublime to the ridiculous

36 MICHAEL BOWES NEW ENTRY This year Glasgow entrepreneur Michael Bowes, 23, will be toasting his success. HE'S SIZZLING BECAUSE his dream has become a reality with his Barhand invention - the first robotic bartender, built by Japanese company Fuji. Bowes has exclusive rights to sell the robot and expects to generate sales of $200 million



Dream on sunshine!
Mines a Powers Gold and same again with water.
Ibartender.

[Ally Doll]

Why would you want a robotic bartender? It would defeat the whole idea of catching the bartender's eye and smiling nicely to get your drink faster...