The Hidden Glasgow Forums

by **AlanM** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:47 pm

Some genuine malaprops (as used by my gran) I thought I'd share with you

I hope you've made my bed with blankets, I don't like those bidets

and

I'm working as a vigilante during the exams

anyone got any more?

Alan

by **Bex Bissell** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 3:50 pm

"Oh, you climb moutains, do you strap thoughs tampons on your feet when it's snowy"

Someones Gran, reffering to Crampons, Christmas 1995.

by **Schiehallion** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 5:51 pm

I used to work with someone full of malapropisms. Just wish I'd written them down at the time. Two I do remember were "manacled depressive" and "Perculator Fiscal"!

by **Alycidon** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:48 pm

Wee guy that used to work in the Steelworks was a classic for these phrases. Examples

Ah love going to the circus, ah like to watch they elastobats

On seeing his grandaughter for the first time "see tha wean, the way she looked at me you would swear she was human"

He also took the day off work to take his wife for an autopsy!

by **AlanM** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:51 pm

Bex Bissell wrote:"Oh, you climb moutains, do you strap thoughs tampons on your feet when it's snowy"

by **lordsleek** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:41 pm

My mother in law often went to the greengrocers for kebabages

by **yoker brian** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:59 pm

My mother (bless her) mentions Durex batteries every now and again, apparently they last ages!

I put her confusion down to working with a load of senile old biddys at the nursing home - it's getting worse, we're considering asking if they will come to some arrangement with us and offer mother dearest a room!

by **lordsleek** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 10:03 pm

My old Grandad no longer with us

he had real problems with car names

sirrerie
myterio
vovo
scaab

etc.

by **engineer** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 10:45 pm

a friends gran knew someone getting a conservative built on their house. not sure if it was the person who was intercontinental, though

by **Socceroo** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 11:10 pm

A certain female member of my family when looking into a second hand shop window, "Oh look there's one of those Paranoid Cameras"

by **Sir Roger DeLodgerley** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:22 am

Step daughter's grand mother, requested that she be brought a bottle of Vulva mineral water. We didn't comply.

by **AlanM** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:25 am

My aunt once asked me to go to the shops for a packet of clitoris allsorts

by **stinkpad** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:15 am

Guy in school was going on about "that new Condom Amiga computer"

by **escotregen** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:38 pm

Don't know if it's the same thing, but the mother of a pal of mine in Maryhill was subjected to a perv flashing himself at her from his car parked at the side of the road. She told her daughter, who correctly insisted on reporting it the the Maryhill Polis.

The Polis was very professional and tactfully sent a couple of female officers round to interview the daughter and mother together. After a bit of a strained and delicate discussion, with everyone trying to be very growed up, the police officer asked:

"and now, I'm sorry to have to put it this way, but when you saw the man in the car did he have an erection?"

Replied the mother:

"Oh no! I'm definite about that - it was a sierra"

by **crusty_bint** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:54 pm

My gran told me of how her friends (Irish) mother used to tell them during the war to "stay away from those Central Station Prosecuters" (best done in a thick Belfast accent)

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