The Hidden Glasgow Forums

two dundonian ducks flying through the air,

one duck says "quack"

the other says "for gods sake i cannae go ony quacker"

pingu wrote:two dundonian ducks flying through the air,

one duck says "quack"

the other says "for gods sake i cannae go ony quacker"

Nice one.

bought a painting from china on e bay,it arrived safely, carefully covered in about ten metres of bubblewrap.once hung I asked the wife what should I do with all this bubblewrap.just pop it in the cupboard under the stairs she said.four hours it took me.

what do you call a donkey with one leg shorter than the rest?

A wonky.


what do you call a donkey with one leg shorter than the rest and a twitch in its eye?

A winky wonky.


what do you call a donkey with one leg shorter than the rest and a twitch in its eye that is really good at playing the piano?

a winky wonky honky tonky donkey.

Teacher is giving the class a lesson in geography.

"Now then, where is Santa Fe?"
"Please Miss, Santa's fae the North Pole."

when I found out they had found a cure for dyslexia it was music to my arse.

tried to make a big word out of my alphabetti spaghetti but all I could get was ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,turned out I bought spaghetti hoops by mistake.

managed to get my hands on alphabetti spaghetti.just ate two big tins of the stuff and I now fear that my next crap could spell disaster.

A wee Glasgow wumman is up on a court charge and has a meeting with her female barrister to review the case.
She asks the lawyerly lady 'Whit exactly dae you dae hen?' She gets the reply 'Well actually I'm an advocate'.
The potential convict thinks for a moment or two and rejoins with 'Oh aye is that whit you are? Ah love that wi' lemonade'.

I believe that is actually a true story if a contributor to (I think) BBC's 'Scottish Questions' some decades ago is to be believed.

first time visit to the national housebuilding championships today.............................made it to the semis.

What was [Insert name of latest celebrity paedophile] thrown out of the scouts?

Because they were up to a pack a day.

If this has been posted before, forgive me, I can't be arsed trawling through all hundred odd pages.

It's the day after Culloden, and the Redcoats are scouting about for stragglers.
A patrol spots a likely looking Highlander atop a small hill, hurling abuse at the approaching troops.
"Sergeant," orders the officer, "two men to go after that ruffian and sort him out."
The two soldiers duly march up the hill.
The Highlander turns round and runs down the back of the hill.
Sounds of fighting are heard.
Then silence.

Shortly, the kiltie appears once again, "Mon then ya sassenach swines! I'll fight yez all!"
"Two more men to go after him!" orders the Redcoat officer.
The soldiers duly march up the hill.
The Highlander turns round and runs down the back of the hill again.
More sounds of fighting, more silence.

This goes on until it's just the officer and the sergeant left.
They're just about to go up the hill themselves to find out what the hell's going on, when the first soldier they sent up crawls back - his uniform torn, musket bent into a circle, broken nose, black eye, and screaming "Get back! It's a trap! There's two of them!"

not sure what came first spleen,that joke or the matt mcginn song on that very subject.gregalee gregaloo is the song.

Can't say as I'm familiar with the song, so I'll take your word for it.