A wee joke

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Postby stranger » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:46 pm

In light of the recent terrorist threat
BA has cancelled all flights
a statement from BA read

AIN'T GETTIN ON NO PLANE FOOL !!
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Postby Smartalex » Thu Aug 31, 2006 5:33 pm

After 50 years together An 80 year old couple returned to the site where they first made love and were spotted shagging furiously up against a fence,

For 40 minutes they banged away arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor,

Christ she said you did'nt F**k me like that 50 years ago!
To which the old man replied:-







50 Years ago that was'nt a F***ing Electric Fence!!!
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Postby VGSmiles » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:03 pm

A blonde and a brunette are walking through the shopping mall. The blonde notices that the brunette's boyfriend is walking out of a flower shop. The blonde says, "Hey, isn't that your boyfriend over there?" The brunette says, "Yeah it is!"
Blonde: "Aww.. ...and he got you flowers too... How sweet..."
Brunette: Yeah, but you know what this means. It means I'm going to have to be on my back with my legs up in the air for the next week and a half."
Blonde:"Why?! Don't you own a vase?!""
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Postby Pgcc93 » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:07 pm

::):
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Postby Smartalex » Fri Sep 01, 2006 5:05 pm

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on Quality Street,
It was after eight,
He turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic,
He slipped his hand in her Snickers and showed her his CurlyWurly,
Not keen on haveing any jelly babies she let him take a trip up bournville boulevard, She screamed with Turkish Delight as he took out his fun-sized Mars Bar, it felt a bit Crunchie and she wanted some TimeOut,
But he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Pink Wafers!
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Postby Smartalex » Fri Sep 01, 2006 5:13 pm

Two finalists in a u.k poetry competition were given the word timbuktu to use in the poem,

The English Finalist wrote:-

Slowly cross the desert sand,
Trecked a lonley caravan,
Men on Camels 2 by 2,
Destination-TIMBUKTU.

The Scottish Finalist Wrote:-

Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent,
They wis three and we wis Two,
So I bucked one and TIMBUCKTU!
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Postby DickyHart » Sat Sep 02, 2006 12:28 am

alexpetrie161 wrote:Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on Quality Street,
It was after eight,
He turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic,
He slipped his hand in her Snickers and showed her his CurlyWurly,
Not keen on haveing any jelly babies she let him take a trip up bournville boulevard, She screamed with Turkish Delight as he took out his fun-sized Mars Bar, it felt a bit Crunchie and she wanted some TimeOut,
But he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Pink Wafers!


i told this to my team leader, im now being disciplined.
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Postby Smartalex » Sat Sep 02, 2006 11:57 am

DickyHart wrote:i told this to my team leader, im now being disciplined.


Some people have no appreciation of sweeties/sex combination humour :roll:
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Postby HollowHorn » Sat Sep 02, 2006 6:54 pm

alexpetrie161 wrote:Two finalists in a u.k poetry competition

Honest ingin, AP, I first heard that joke (with some word changes) when I was was still at school, 66 / 68 mibbies. ::):
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Postby scaryman2u » Sat Sep 02, 2006 6:58 pm

HollowHorn wrote:
alexpetrie161 wrote:Two finalists in a u.k poetry competition

Honest ingin, AP, I first heard that joke (with some word changes) when I was was still at school, 66 / 68 mibbies. ::):

So did i HH but i still had a wee chuckle ::): ::): ::):
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Postby Smartalex » Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:00 pm

A friend texted it to my missus last week and it made me laugh even if it is from the sixties ::):

I suppose the oldies ARE the best :wink:
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Postby scaryman2u » Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:03 pm

alexpetrie161 wrote:A friend texted it to my missus last week and it made me laugh even if it is from the sixties ::):

I suppose the oldies ARE the best :wink:

::): :x ::): :x ::): ::): ::):
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Postby Smartalex » Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:28 pm

I'm baffled by your orange penis, the Doctor told his patient,

Does anyone else in your family have this condition? The concerned fellow said no,

Do you handle any chemicles at work? I don't work he said,

Well what do you do all day? Said the Doc..........















"I watch Porn and eat Wotsits" ::):
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Postby John » Wed Sep 20, 2006 9:17 pm

What is the definition of a psychic midget who's on the run?



















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Postby Toby Dammit » Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:39 pm

Three tortoises, Russell, Steve and Dave, decide to go on a picnic. So Dave packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Dave unpacks the food and beer.

"Ok Russ give me the bottle opener."
"I didn't bring it," says Russ. "I thought you packed it."
Dave gets worried, He turns to Steve, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"
Naturally Steve didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Dave and Steve beg Russ to go back for it. But
he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Russ sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Dave and Steve are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Russell pops up from behind a rock
and shouts

"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT FUCKING GOING!"
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