by Doorstop » Tue Sep 16, 2014 12:52 am
There were two men who played golf together every Sunday. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player, however, was a proud bugger, and never took any strokes to even up the score.
One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee.
He says to his friend, "I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm aboot ready to gi' up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if ye're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year. I sat doon and counted it up last night and it comes tae aboot £1000. Ye up for it?"
The other guy thought about it for a minute and asked himself "How fuckin' good could a gorilla be at golf?" and then decided to play away and double his money.
Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards.
The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green.
He bends down, picks up his tee and gives his mate a sly grin as the gorilla waddles up to the tee-off.
The ape takes a few powerful practice swings and then horses the ball 450 yards, straight down the middle, right at the pin, it rolls on for a foot or two and it stops about 3 inches away from the hole.
The scratch golfer turns to his friend and says "That's fuckin' incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it wi' my ain eyes. But, you know what, I've seen enough. I've got nae interest in being totally reamed oot by this gorilla golfing machine for a whole round. You take it back back to where ye got it frae. I need a drink; better make it a double, and I'll write ye oot a cheque for you gettin' back."
The bloke leaves to take the gorilla up the road, and when he gets back his mate hands over the cheque for the grand and, well into his third double drowning his sorrows, asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?"
The other guy replies, "Same as his driving."
"That good, eh?"
"Good? Naw. He putts the same way - fucks it 450 yards, right down the middle!"
I like him ... He says "Okie Dokie!"