A wee joke

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Re: A wee joke

Postby banjo » Mon Feb 17, 2020 6:16 pm

sorry I should have said the song is actually called grigaloo and the lyrics can be found on the mudcat website.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby Henrysix » Sat Feb 29, 2020 1:11 pm

Charles Dickens Novel “a tale of two cities” was originally published in two provincial newspapers

It was The Bicester Times & The Worcester Times
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:33 pm

What catalogue shop do pirates go to?

Arrrgos.
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And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Thu Mar 05, 2020 6:55 pm

My friend the opera singer from Yorkshire was getting new windows installed.

"Double glazing?" I asked.

"Nay son, dormer."
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Thu Jul 30, 2020 4:17 pm

One for the Trekkies in the audience.

What do you call a Cardassian on a motorbike?
Gul Ducati.
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby banjo » Fri Jul 31, 2020 8:35 am

not a trekkie,so that went right over my head. :oops:
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Fri Jul 31, 2020 8:51 am

banjo wrote:not a trekkie,so that went right over my head. :oops:

Ok, the Cardassians are aliens from the Star Trek: Next Generation era. Grey skin, thick necks, vaguely reptilian looking.

If the Klingons are space Russians, then the Cardassians are space North Koreans, broadly speaking.

Anyway, this fellow is one of the primary bad guys from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, his name is Gul Dukat.
Gul being his military rank, roughly equivalent to that of Captain.

Image

It's a pun you see. Dukat = Ducati.

Was I being too clever for my own good?
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Wed Aug 12, 2020 9:02 am

All these fucknuggets complaining about how there ought to be a "Straight Pride" march.

It suddenly occurred to me t'other day that we've had them in Scotland for years.

They're called Orange Walks. :D
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Mon Aug 17, 2020 3:23 pm

If you get knife fighting tips from a Gurkha chef, are they Kukri lessons?
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Tue Aug 18, 2020 8:07 am

Is a black guy dressed as a Viking a Norse of a different colour?
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Fri Mar 05, 2021 1:15 pm

What do you call a bear wearing a clerical collar? Father Ted. :)
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby Henrysix » Fri Mar 05, 2021 8:10 pm

2 accountants in Italy walking about Rome say we have improve the business, how can we raise the profile, I know said Enzo we will have Black suits, white shirts, black ties, socks and shoes but it has to be the darkest black of all time, so they buy they suits from local tailor Gino Pinkus, great look, two weeks later they are out for lunch and a bunch of nuns are walking down the High Street, the other brother Gattuso, rushes over and exclaims a few words to a nun clearly distraught that her habit was blacker than his suit, he runs back across the road to his brother.

In the nunnery the mother superior asks the nun are you alright my child, did the man accost you, she replied not at all Sister for he was one of us, whatever do you mean said the head nun, well he just said two words “Pinkus Fuctus”
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Re: A wee joke

Postby banjo » Mon Mar 22, 2021 6:31 pm

at the end of lockdown you have the chance to go for a romantic weekend with the mrs or a round of golf with the boys followed by a few beers and a curry.what would you choose,rogan josh,jalfrezzi,bhoona,or tikka massalla.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby The Creeping Spleen » Sat May 08, 2021 6:53 pm

What do you call a rap group that formed in a fried chicken shop?

Run KFC.
Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind,
And if it's all we only pass this way but once, what a perfect waste of time.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby mjw » Sat May 29, 2021 10:50 pm

banjo wrote:bought a painting from china on e bay,it arrived safely, carefully covered in about ten metres of bubblewrap.once hung I asked the wife what should I do with all this bubblewrap.just pop it in the cupboard under the stairs she said.four hours it took me.


:D
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