A wee joke

[Bex Bissell]

Chinese scientists have just announced that their fight against bird flu is failing and that their research into finding a vacine is in vain, the Chinese Minister for health said.......














"I'm affraid it's untweetable"

[Blueboy]

What do you call a woman with yellow fingers?
































Goldie Hawn

[Schiehallion]

Chinese scientists have just announced that their fight against bird flu is failing and that their research into finding a vacine is in vain, the Chinese Minister for health said.......

"I'm affraid it's untweetable"

It's ok, apparently there's no need for a vaccine. They're saying we've just to take parrotcetamol.

[The_Clincher]

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager and a mop............

*getting my jaiket*

some good ones here, ppl...excellent

[Shazbat]

What's brown and lies steaming in the gutter?


















A drunk jobby.

[Alycidon]

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so, says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that."

[AlanM]

This has to be the best Blonde Joke ever


Enjoy

[AlanM]

Directions

Please read all!

1.Start at London Heathrow Airport.

2.Catch flight from London Heathrow to DallasFort WorthAirport.

3.Hire car at DallasFort WorthAirport.

4.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles.

5.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for0.3miles

6.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North AirportExit" -follow for 2.9 miles

7.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2miles

8.Then continue on "US287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles

9."US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles

10.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles

11."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles

12.Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles

13.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles

14.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles

15.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles

16.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles

17.Arrive at the centre of town.

please scroll down

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Now that's the fu#&ing way to Amarillo!

SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW . . . . .

[shuttle534]

I think I've heard some of these jokes somewhere.
Has anyone been at the DR Paul quiz nights recently?

[Tamandee]

Heard the one about the dyslexic satanist?


















He sold his soul to Santa!

[Tamandee]

And now for an exceptionally old one.
What has a trunk, hops and grunts?






























A kangarelepig.
Sorry, but it cracks me up

[Bex Bissell]

what do you call a lesbian with big fingers?



















Well hung!

[hazy]

This woman has a baby, but unfortunatly its just a head.
years later as the head is opening all his presents he says "no another fuckin hat".
Anyway his dad takes him for his first legal pint. After a few jugs the dad goes to the toilet. When he comes out, the bar is upside down and the head is lying in the corner bleeding like fuck. His dad picks him up and asked the head what happend. Crying the head told him that a fight started and then some cunt shouted "use the heed oan um".

[AlanM]

A man and a woman are in a lift and the guy asks "Can I smell your fanny?"

She says "Certainly not!!!"

He replies "Oh, it must be your feet then"

[Bex Bissell]

Whats the difference between a lady with the painters in and a terrorst.














You can negociate with the terrorist.

sorry ladies