A wee joke

[Alycidon]

How does an Irishman use nicotine patch?

He puts one over each eye and he cant find his cigarettes

[ninatoo]

[Seamey]

I found this anonymous article from the USA deeply moving--- I hope you do, too.

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a
funeral director to play at a...graveside service for a homeless
man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar
with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man,
I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the
diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept,
I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes
and started for my car.

Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,
"I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in
septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost... It's a man thing.

[tombro]

I'll try this one here !

It was sent to me by a friend who now lives in Canada but who used to live across the street from me in Airgold Drive in theDrum in the late 1950's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYslhL71k1M

If it works, I hope you laugh as much as I did !

Tombro

[Doorstop]

An Irish priest was transferred to Larkhall.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new, darkest, protestant over-run parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day tae yerself my Son.. " said the Father. "This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and I'd be enquiring if ye would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, recognizing the foreign accent and the chance of a choice wind up, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

Quick as a flash, Father O'Malley replied: "Aye,well, to be sure, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

[VGSmiles]

I'll try this one here !

It was sent to me by a friend who now lives in Canada but who used to live across the street from me in Airgold Drive in theDrum in the late 1950's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYslhL71k1M

If it works, I hope you laugh as much as I did !

Tombro ::): ::):

stolen and distributed

[Lone Groover]

Mental Health watchdogs have found that up to 25% of women take some form of medication for one or more Mental Health problem.
25% - Christallmitey. That means 75% of them are running about untreated !

[banjo]

ha,even the wife liked that one.

[pingu]

what do you call a scotsman who heading "up the road"?

Hamish

[pingu]

why are scots prisoners so lonely?

cause theyre in their cell

[pingu]

not really a joke as such but got a mate in japan who put on his facebook status this morning.

"pure mad shoogle in Tokyo, 7.2 on the shoogelometer!"

[banjo]

was it as big as the auchen shoogle.

[motman]

was it as big as the auchen shoogle.

groan

[The Egg Man]

A: Bad news Nic.
N: Whits that Eck?
A: We cannae get enough oil even fir a bike chain.
N: Aw naw! Ma kitchen door's squeaking tae. Och weel, I'll pit the kettle on the gas fir a wee cup ae tea Eck.
A: Ehm! Aboot the gas Nic…
N: Och naw, no the gas as weel. Whit'll a tell the punters Eck?
A: Tell them anything Nic, they believed us before. We'll still be famous though!
N: How come Eck?
A: I've got plans fir a film, staring Sean Connery, Brian Cox and Alan Cumming.
N: Brilliant Eck! Whit's it called.
A: ' Darien II '

[Guacho]

A: Bad news Nic.
N: Whits that Eck?
A: We cannae get enough oil even fir a bike chain.
N: Aw naw! Ma kitchen door's squeaking tae. Och weel, I'll pit the kettle on the gas fir a wee cup ae tea Eck.
A: Ehm! Aboot the gas Nic…
N: Och naw, no the gas as weel. Whit'll a tell the punters Eck?
A: Tell them anything Nic, they believed us before. We'll still be famous though!
N: How come Eck?
A: I've got plans fir a film, staring Sean Connery, Brian Cox and Alan Cumming.
N: Brilliant Eck! Whit's it called.
A: ' Darien II '

Still waiting for the punchline