Don't Take Advice From the Pop Stars.

[Dexter St. Clair]

Simon And Garfunkel reckon there must be 50 ways to leave your lover,but i need only one, tied up and the bank card and the purse emptied .

What has Art Garfunkel got to do with this? Although his statement "I only have eyes for you" is undermined by this snapshot.

[Bridie]

"Don't Be Afraid"......... by Daniel O'Donnell

[Shazbat]

"There's a kind of hush mmm mmm,
all over the world, tonight,
all over the world you can hear the sound of lovers in love.
You know what I mean.
Just the two of us mmm, mmm
and nobody else in sight..........."

Just cos it's dark in the car park don't mean there's no-one there.

[Dave]

Just cos it's dark in the car park don't mean there's no-one there.

Aye watch out for everybodies favourite hedgerowsexual

[Doorstop]

I'm currently trying to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and it's only fair to say I'm more than a bit disappointed by the efforts young Simon Cowell is making to disrupt the rest of the class .. see me after school Cowell, I've a note I want you take home to your Mother.

And for God's sake boy - loosen the belt on those trousers. You look like something the village idiot would laugh at.

[yoker brian]

I'm currently trying to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and it's only fair to say I'm more than a bit disappointed by the efforts young Simon Cowell is making to disrupt the rest of the class .. see me after school Cowell, I've a note I want you take home to your Mother.

And for God's sake boy - loosen the belt on those trousers. You look like something the village idiot would laugh at.

[Schiehallion]

"Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town."

My money's on it happening down at the jail Phil.

[BrigitDoon]

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
Hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new land,
To fight the horde, sing and cry: Valhalla, I am coming!

Is that right, Mr Plant? Not if the Border Agency see you coming. You'll be sat in the middle of the demolition of Red Road for the next few years, dear boy.

[Schiehallion]

"Every good idea kills at least a thousand men" sings Chicago singer songwriter Joe Pug.

Well Joe, I presume you thought it was a good idea to write that song you cold hearted murdering bastard.

[2HB]

Totally unrelated but i once scared the shit out of Paul Simon and his wife Edie Brickell whilst looking in the window of the shop at the bottom of Byres Road that sold the Rennie Makintosh hardware.I was off work at the time with a newly broken arm,and me and the wife were out for a wee stroll,we were looking in the shop window when she nudged me and said"look at this guys wig" .I turned to see the syrup and let out a shriek"FUCK ME IT'S PAUL SIMON!!!!!!" the wife whispered "who?" and i replied once again"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ME ITS PAUL SIMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".By this time a few folk had stopped to look and mr Simon and mrs Simon were hastily trying to make their getaway.Just before two big burly minder blokes ushered them into an awaiting vehicle he did stand still long enough to sign my stookie which was nice but he DID have the worst fukkin wig i've ever seen it looked like a bri nylon floor scrubber. All this and the wife still asked me "But who is Paul Simon?".Ah love must be blind right enough eh?

[Josef]

Suddenly, everything is clear. I should have guessed that Rock Star haircut wasn't your own.

[2HB]

Suddenly, everything is clear. I should have guessed that Rock Star haircut wasn't your own.

i still dont get it mind i still am under the impression i just have hair.

[Josef]

Running gags are fun. Like the one about HH being a geriatric.

Not that he isn't, mind.

[2HB]

Having met the great man himself HH is probably only a couple of years older then me..............

[Josef]

He has a better wig. Although his radio show isn't as good.