A wee joke

[flyman]

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

“I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away.” The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard’s checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.

Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor. He walked into the supervisor’s office and before he could say a word, the boss said, “You’re fired!”

“Fired?” he asked in total surprise. “Why? What did I do?”

“It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you’re fired.”

“Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard.”

“Oh, really,” the boss answered. “Then how do you account for the fact that there are over 250 wheelbarrows missing?”

[flyman]

As a 100 year old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-280. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
Has said Thanks

[flyman]

A wife says to her husband, "what would you do if I won Lotto?"


he says, "I'd take half, then leave you."


"Excellent," she replies, "I won 12 bucks, here's 6, now FUCK OFF"

[flyman]

Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity.

[flyman]

Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation and Ed fell head over
heels in love with her. But after a couple of weeks Ed of taking
Dorothy out to various dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, etc.,
he was convinced that it was true love. And so....on the last night
of his vacation the two of them went to dinner and had a serious
talk about how the relationship would continue.
"It's only fair to warn you I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his
new found lady friend. "I eat, sleep, and breathe golf, so if that's
going to be a problem you'd better say so now!"
Dorothy took a deep breath and responded: "Since we're
being honest with each other, you need to know that I'm a
hooker."
"I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table and was
quiet for a moment deep in thought then he added, "You know,
it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when
you tee off."

[flyman]

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care,
I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs
when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the mailman. Answer the door, and if
he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jelly sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth,
I was eating a jelly sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jelly on your
mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."

[Doorstop]

You open a Christmas joke book early Flyman?

Last years' Christmas joke book?

[flyman]

Sorry DS if any of these are reheats,but there was just too many to look through

[Josef]

Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity.

Just you wait till that HH gets his hands on you, m'lad.

[flyman]

Ah jesus just when i thought he was starting to warm to me...............

[Dave]

Did someone mention Christmas. crack open the advent calendar time

[tombro]

What Josef is saying just might be your biggest problem, Flyman !

Tombro

[aland]

auld as the hills think link but it is that time of year again to brek some windaes http://www.chunkideas.com/snowball/ note NSFW

[Josef]

auld as the hills think link but it is that time of year again to brek some windaes http://www.chunkideas.com/snowball/ note NSFW

You're only the third person this week to post that one, Alan.....

[Bankie Boy]

Question? - Four letters. Starts with a P! Ends with a P!




Answer - A shit